WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT MY MOUSTACHE
When I joined the Kettering Banjo Society (KBS) in August of 1978 they were playing songs like “Carolina In The Morning,” “Ain’t She Sweet,” “Avalon,” and “Home.” Early the following spring around March, my wife, Connie, and I attended the spring program of the “Harmony Knights” in Springfield, OH. This was a barbershop chorus of the SPEBSQSA (Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barber Shop Quartet Singing in America). They were singing many of the same songs that the KBS was playing.
Now in their printed program all of the little characterizations of people in the advertisements had handlebar moustaches, every one of them! Therefore the idea struck me that if I had a handlebar moustache I would “fit” in with the era of the music we were playing in the KBS. With my red vest and Derby hat the moustache would look like the early 1900’s from which our songs were written or made popular. So I told Connie that I was going to grow a handlebar moustache!
Thus, with in a few months I had a pretty good handlebar moustache. However, to keep it looking like handlebars you must use Moustache Wax. The product that was recommended by several people was a moustache wax from American International Industries called “Clubman.” It comes in several colors, Tan, Brown, Black and Neutral. I use Neutral. There are several other very good products on the market for moustaches. There’s Col. Ichabod Conk’s Moustache Wax, English Leather’s Moustache Wax, and Sandahl’s Lucky Tiger Cru-Butch which can be used for moustache wax. However, I prefer “Clubman.” It comes in a tube and you squeeze a little out on your finger and work it into the ends of your moustache. Then you shape it into “handlebars.”
The moustache draws a lot of attention. In fact, it was an inspiration to 17 people in the band to grow moustaches. I have an article from the Dayton Daily News with pictures of all 17 of the moustaches.
After having grown the moustache I attended another of the “Harmony Knights” program at North High School auditorium. During the intermission of the program there was a whole row of ladies in front of my wife and me. They all got up and left for a few minutes. When they came back after the intermission one lady directed them all back into their proper seats. The last lady in asked the one lady directing them in how she knew this was their row, and the lady said, “because the guy with the handlebar moustache was sitting behind me!”
I was at a little league football game in which my youngest son was playing. The two ladies sitting in front of us kept turning around and glancing at my moustache. Finally, one of them asked, “Does that moustache tickle?” I replied, “Yes, if you get it in the right place!”
Sometimes kids will ask, “Is that moustache real?” I always reply, “No, I’ve got the real one in my pocket!” Then I reach in my pocket to show them the real one.
One day Connie and I were eating at a Bob Evans restaurant and a fellow walks by and says to his friend, "That moustache goes to our church!"
Many times I’ll be driving down the highway and people passing me and they will do a double take and look back. Then you will see them drawing circles at each end of their mouths, so you know exactly what they are discussing.
Dick Allen, who also has a handlebar moustache like mine, and who you heard playing "Tea For Two" when you got on my web site, were at a restaurant along with our wives. When the waiter came over to take our order he stared at Dick and I for a while, then asked, "Who's is the longest?" And I said, "It depends on what you are talking about!!" He turned red and never said another word!
I was on a business trip to Boston in June of 1984. For some unknown reason I ran out of moustache wax. Luckily there was a drug store around the corner of the hotel where I was staying. They had the Clubman moustache wax and I bought a tube. The next morning I put it on my moustache as I normally would, however, around 2 hours later the moustache had fallen apart. It was frizzy on the ends. It looked a mess when I went to the restroom. Again I was lucky because I had carried the moustache wax tube in my pocket. So while I was in the restroom I had to use the wax again. Sure enough, 3 hours later the moustache had fallen apart and became frizzed on the ends. I looked at the tube and the ingredients it had in it. It had Potassium Oleate, Potassium Palmitate, Glycerine, Potassium Laurate and Potassium Sterate. I don’t know what half of these ingredients are, other than a bunch of chemicals.
When I got home I compared the original formula and ingredients to this new moustache wax. The original contained these ingredients. It had Beeswax (Cera Alba), Lard, Glycerin, Water, Dye, Tallow, Lauric Acid, and Iron Oxides. Things I was a little more familiar with. I had an old tube of the original moustache wax and I alternated between the old and the new stuff. About a month later I went to a Fretted Instrument Guild of America (FIGA) Convention in Sarasota, FL.
While I was jamming with a bunch of banjo players my wife was out shopping. She found me later and said she had found some moustache wax at a drug store that seem to be the old formula, with the beeswax, lard, etc. We went there later that day and sure enough the package had the old original formula or ingredients. We bought the whole bunch. There were ten tubes. When I got home I started using the moustache wax I had just bought in Florida. Much to my surprise about 3 or 4 hours after putting it on the moustache the moustache fell apart with the frizzies! I just couldn’t believe it! I checked the tube for its ingredients, and low and behold it contained all of the odd ball chemicals, not what was on the package, which were the old ingredients. So I wrote the company!
July 6, 1985
Ed Pinaud, Inc.
Div. of the Nestle-LeMur Co.
Dist. 66-T East 34th Street
New York, NY 10016
Dear Sirs:
We have a crisis on our hands! You have changed the ingredients of the neutral moustache wax. Several weeks ago I was in Boston and picked up a tube of neutral (white) Pinaud “The Original” Moustache Wax. I used it that day and noticed that in applying the wax to my moustache my fingers became sticky. About 3 or 4 hours later my moustache had dried out and fell apart. When I returned home I compared the new tube with the old tube. In the new tube you have changed the formula and removed the Lard, Tallow and Lauric Acid and substituted Potassium Oleate, Potassium Palmitate, Glycerine, Potassium Laurate and Potassium Sterate.
On vacation in Sarasota, Florida recently I went to several drug stores and found what I thought was the old formula containing the Lard, Tallow, Beeswax, etc. I bought out most of their supplies (ten tubes). This morning I opened one of the new packages containing what I thought was the old formula and found the tube contained the new ingredients. This is false advertising! I’m returning the package and the tube of moustache wax to show you the problem.
I really would like you to return to the old formula. It was creamy and kept my moustache moist and styled all day. In fact I had recommended your wax to many people, but with your new formula I can not recommend it to anyone!
Sincerely,
Donald F. Stevison
August 18, 1985
Mr. Donald F. Stevison
218 Zimmerman Street
New Carlisle, OH 45344-1513
Dear Mr. Stevison,
I was very sorry to hear of you recent problem with out Moustache Wax.
While Nestle-LeMur has sold this product for decades with no problem or complaints; apparently there have been some of more recent batches that were less able to effect a good handlebar moustache with normal use. We apologize.
Not only am I enclosing two free tubes of neutral moustache wax along with our sincerest apologies for your expense and inconvenience, I am taking the liberty of placing you name in our research file.
This means that it won’t be long before our research staff will select names for research on new, improved moustache wax formulations. You are obviously interested in the product and your expertise will enable us to select the best improvements.
Again, I want to thank you for your continued patronage with Nestle-Lemur.
Sincerely,
Carol Gaye,
Manager, Consumer Relations
PS
The formula did not change (only the words changed). Call me if these replacement tubes are not what you like.
JW
Well, they weren’t what I liked. The moustache still fell apart after about 2 to 4 hours.
Notice the initials on the PS on the letter from the Nestle-LeMur. Those are the initials of Dr. Jerry Whittemore. At the time he didn’t know that the formula of the moustache wax had been changed. When he looked into the problem he called me.
A week or so went by and I got a call from Dr. Jerry Whittemore, Phar. D., Director of Research and Development at Nestle-LeMur Company. He indicated to me that the product had changed!
The original moustache wax with the good formula was a by product of a soap company in France. The soap company had “gone belly up,” Nestle-LeMur was scrambling to find a substitute formula for the new ingredients, and so far had not come up with anything approaching the old formula. Dr. Whittemore wanted me and several of my banjo playing friends in the KBS to form a research team to test the products Dr. Whittemore and his staff at Nestle-LeMur developed in their labs in New York. I found two others, Mr. John Detrio and Mr. Paul Shroyer that were willing to test the moustache waxes as they were developed.
By October of 1985 my team was ready to go and Dr. Whittemore had sent several sample of moustache wax to study.
On the next page is a copy of the Moustache Wax Evaluation form. We rated each wax formulation on a basis of 0 to 10 (0 being very poor and 10 being excellent) in the following categories: Mold-A-Bility, Staying Power, Applicability, Overnight Staying Power, Wash-A-Bility, Skin Irritation, Aroma, Taste, and Feel.
I would call Dr. Whittemore occasionally and talk about the team’s findings on several of the formulations he had sent. Some of the samples were gritty and felt like sand, and wouldn’t hold a moustache for a minute. Some of the samples smelled terrible. Some of the samples were like super glue. Once you put it on your fingers to work into your moustache you couldn’t get your fingers apart. Some of the formulations tasted bad. We never found any that gave us any skin irritation, thank you! Some formulations were hard to wash out of the moustache, and some didn’t have a very long staying power. The moustaches would fall apart after a few hours. But as we kept testing the new formulations, the product was slowly improving!
By January 1986 we were on Experimental Formula # 54 and 55, and Nestle-LeMur was using my report format nationwide. Dr. Whittemore felt that at this time they had come a long way to improve the moustache wax!
By March 1986 we were up to formula #59 and Dr. Whittemore indicated “Thank you for the help that you have give this improvement project. We need you!” By May we were up to formula # 105 and Nestle-LeMur was definitely on the right track! By August we were still going strong! I remembered to call Dr. Whittemore one day and he was out of town and I talked to a technician there in the lab. She said, “So you’re the guy we’re doing all this experimenting for!!”
In November 1986 we evaluated Experimental Formula # 209. The whole team agreed that it was the best so far! Having talked to one of the technicians, I found out that Dr. Whittemore had moved on up the chain of command at Nestle-LeMur, and the project was over.
The new moustache wax now has in it: Beeswax (Cera Alba), Sodium Tallowate, Sodium Cocoate or Sodium Palm Kernelate, PEG-6, PEG- 32, PEG- 7M, Potassium Sorbate, BHT, and Iron Oxides. I don’t know what many of these chemicals are really, and I don’t know what happened to the Water, Lard, Glycerine and some of the other things that were in the original formulation. However, the latest moustache wax on the market is very good and I can recommend it to anyone! Thank you Nestle-LeMur and Dr. Whittemore for the opportunity to develop a fantastic moustache wax for all to enjoy!
In 2003 the Kettering Banjo Society played at the FIGA Convention in Peoria, IL. While we were there the FIGA members were asked to go play at a TV station for some public publicity. My good friend and I and playing partner, Dick Allen, who also has a beautiful handlebar moustache, went to play with the group. During a commercial break the News Director came over to Dick and I and asked about our moustaches. He said that we must be the "Britney Spears" of the banjo World! That moniker has stuck with us! Thanks!
